I’ve been banned from Wal-Mart

Wal-Mart

RETIRED HUSBAND

After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Walmart.

Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women – she loves to browse.

Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local Walmart:

Dear Mrs. Clifton
Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store.  We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store.  Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Clifton, are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras:

1. June 15:  He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people’s carts when they weren’t looking.
2. July 2:  Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
3. July 7:  He made a trail from a jar of brown gravy on the floor leading to the both the ladies and men’s restrooms.
4. July 19:  Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, ‘Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away’. This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money.
5. August 4:  Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway.
6. August 14:  Moved a ‘CAUTION – WET FLOOR’ sign to a carpeted area.
7. August 15:  Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers he’d invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.
8. August 23:  When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, ‘Why can’t you people just leave me alone?’  EMTs were called.
9. September 4:  Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.
10. September 10:  While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.
11. October 3:  Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the ‘ Mission Impossible’ theme.
12. October 6:  In the auto department, he practiced his “Madonna look” by using different sizes of funnels.

Prepare for V-Day

Richard Baugh – Tailor Made Fitness for NottHeads

Valentine Sexy 2011

So what you haven’t met all your fitness goals.  Valentine’s is a time to go all out! The point is that you want to do something that makes you feel sexy and makes you look sexy to him or her.  You’ve made all these resolutions, but you haven’t made a lot of progress.  Don’t worry about that, you can still make a sexy impression on your significant other.  After all, you are the one they chose; you just have to make them remember why.

Ladies remember what heels and lingerie do for your legs and other areas, but most of all know how it makes him feel.  I know heels are not always comfortable, but if you do this right, trust me, you won’t be in them long.  If you’re not into heels and lingerie, then find that thing that makes you feel sexy and will allow you to make him feel the same way.  And by all means, don’t forget the fragrance, hair, and makeup.  This is the time to tantalize all the senses. I’ve given you two; you can work out the rest.  Touch, Taste and Feel are up to you.

Tailor Made Sexy

Sexy in 2011

Tailor Made Fitness

Now that I have committed to write a regular series of articles on NottHeads, I was forced to come up with a theme as to what I would share.  The company tag-line is Tailor Made Fitness – Customize Your Body.  Well NottHeads and I came up with the themes “Sexy in 2011”, “Bringing Sexy Back” and “Sexy Comes In All Sizes”.

What I will attempt to provide in these articles is a combination of tips that represent aspects of Mind, Body and Soul.  There will be great information for those who are just starting a fitness program, those who want to improve on an existing program and those looking to get their sexy back.  With a wide range of experience for various fitness levels, I have something for everyone.

January Articles:

Advice on New Year’s Resolutions

6 Months Later

by NottHead

Fling

I never said I was ready for a relationship

I never said I was looking for a commitment

You know I care deeply,

I am emotionally involved

But remember

This thing of ours

Is more than casual

But it was always subject to change

But remember

You took the bate

Game never shall we hate

Shama 3 and Kal Cauthen

You’re a first round draft pick

My MVP candidate

But remember

You got blinded by the bling

Bright lights and pretty things

It’s all vanity in the end

---

Photos from Cotton Mill Shoot – Kal Cauthen (model), Shama3 (model), Reno Valentine (stylist), John Washington (photography), Michael Davis (photography)

No Drama – Terrie Lynn

No Drama - New Year's Resolution

Terrie Lynn for NottHeads – Chokkklit Shop

When drama lives or visits your house, it may be time for someone to get a new address; better yet a new attitude. Let’s start the New Year with a fresh attitude and see how long it can last.

Don’t know if you’ve noticed this from my columns and books. I write about relationships, not necessarily how to get into one or how to keep one, but how to rid yourself of relationship drama.

“DRAMA CURES”

Now, some folks it seems, have an addiction to drama, because they need the attention, they’re bored or for whatever reason. For others, they’re caught up in “generational curses”. This means one or more parent had (or still has) major relationship drama in their day-to-day lives, which they may have inherited.

When you witness a parent going through psychical or emotional drama on a regular basis your mind recognizes this as somewhat normal behavior. You become desensitized to what is dysfunctional because it’s a typical part of your environment. So in turn your relationships mimic the ones from previous generations.

On the upside, generational curses can be broken. Sometimes we recognize that our relationships are not healthy but think we don’t have the tools to stop the cycle of madness that has been ingrained into our lives.

Phrase for 2011, “Don’t underestimate your ability to change yourself, and don’t over estimate the ability to change someone else.”

Terrie Lynn

Tips on being DRAMA FREE

• You need to clean out your closet. I mean literally clean out your closet. You will not have room for anything positive or worthwhile if you have too much clutter and baggage. Get rid of all the negative aspects and get a fresh clean start.
• Start making better choices. Now I know there are times when you thought it was the right thing to do at the time. But be honest with yourself. When it come to most bad decisions we make, we knew it wasn’t a good idea in the first place.
• Slow down. Avoid making decisions when you’re very sad, very happy or in a hurry. Don’t be so quick to react or jump to conclusions. If at all possible, take your time, consider the cause and effect.
• Other phrase for 2011 – “I’ll get back with you.”, “Let me meditate on that.”

Parental Approval for Teen Pregnancy, why??

Terrie Lynn for NottHeads – Chokkklit Shop

In the last few years, there has been an increase in teen pregnancy and analysts don’t know why. Every day more and more teenage girls of all races are giving birth to children. You would think with free and easy access to contraception and the abundance of information regarding AIDS statistics and other sexually transmitted diseases that teens having unprotected sex would be on the decline. But unfortunately the reality is quite contrary.

Teen Mother

Reality is: Two-thirds of these teen moms will not graduate from high school, will receive some form of welfare assistance, and have sons who are at a greater risk of being caught up in the penal system.

BASED ON MY BOOK: WHAT YOU THINK YOU KNOW, YOU DON’T

Excerpt from book, page 10

“Is it possible that because society has become more sympathetic with single moms, that females have become relaxed and irresponsible? Maybe teenagers are getting real life sex mixed up with sex seen on T.V.”

Or maybe, just maybe, teen pregnancy has become parent approved! Has it become such a common sight to see a teen with a pregnant belly, that it is now socially acceptable? Do parents take in stride the fact that they are grandparents after being a parent for only 13 or 14 years? Why are our babies rushing to have babies?

What You Think You Know

Just think for a minute……….. If trying to convince a grown woman to postpone sex for 90 days goes into one ear and out the other, how are we going to convince a teenager to restrain from having sex? The thought of a woman over 25 keeping her legs closed for 3 months is like asking black folk to give up barbeque ribs for tofu. Now, let us try getting a teenager to ignore all the sexual images they’re bombarded with daily; that would be like mission impossible. Believe it or not, that busy box in your living room you have entertaining/babysitting your kids, has a huge influence on our teens.

Excerpt from book, page 25

“Reasons why you may want to have sex:

If you don’t have sex with him, the other girl will. Let her!”

You have women who are way past legal age, and still don’t realize that within a relationship their man should treat them with respect or get to steppin. So how will we convince a teenager?