Southern Cutie on Relationships
When he’s messed up in your relationship, can you ever really forgive if you can’t forget? To tell the truth, forgetting would require a serious blow to the head causing amnesia. You can address the issue, find a way to deal with it and then put it out of your mind. But one day, during a heated argument or other disappointment, that memory is going to come up and come right out of your mouth. It never fails. Before you have a chance to think, you have used it to punish him.
There are those of us who want to know all the details.
- Who was she?
- Where did you meet her?
- How many times did you see her?
As if knowing makes it easier to forgive. We spend hours wondering what we could have done to prevent it. So there it is, his mistake permanently etched in our memory. We all know that the bad memories stand out more than the good. We can rattle off all the bad things he has ever done without any assistance, forgetting the good times. But, when he’s gone, all it takes is a photo, a song or driving past a familiar place that allows all the good things about him to rush into your thoughts like a tidal wave. Don’t take him for granted. All relationships require work. Let go of the bad, cling to the good and keep moving forward. Stop punishing him and yourself.
You as an individual will never be perfect, so why should you expect you partner to be PERFECT! This does not mean that you should accept being treated badly, but that score keeping makes all participants losers. If there is no mutual effort to improve and sustain the relationship, then walk away. Both parties will understand that there are some things that will never be forgotten, and can not be forgiven.