After years of talking/listening to women advise other women about their “dead end relationships” I was really becoming irked.
- She’ll create a scenario on a guy she doesn’t know.
- She’ll dig real deep for some positive feedback (so she doesn’t hurt her feelings)
- She’ll tell the honest truth and risk being accused of being a “hater” or being jealous.
- She’s in a jacked-up relationship herself, so she’ll fill her friend’s head with the same distorted explanations she’s convinced herself of.
This is what led me to write “SISTERS STOP ASKING SISTERS, I’M A BLACK MAN JUST ASK ME”. I just had to probe black men for the inside scoop on what we women ponder over. Women, don’t try this at home! A man will hold back information when he’s out to gain or has something to lose. Buy the book!
From the book: Sisters Stop Asking Sisters, I’m A Black Man Just Me!
The majority of women’s relationship problems are self-inflicted. Either they let go too soon, or hang on too long. Sistahs don’t seem to understand the concept of dating. Dating is the trial an error period between two people. Think of it like starting a new job. You have a 90 day probationary period, so don’t get too comfortable.
“We’ve all read and heard enough about this 90 probationary period. Are women scared of this rule? Are women afraid that if she doesn’t have sex with the guy before 90 days, another girl will.”
Women need to realize that not all men are going to wait around, those who don’t were only there for the benefits package. Those that do fall into two categories: the ones who were already getting it somewhere else; and the ones who want something more out of a relationship. The question is, if you’re not getting busy what are you doing for 90 days? I found a blog that gave some good insight on what can happen during those 90 days
- Talking on the phone. It always feels great to have those long conversations as you learn more about each other, but that may not work for everyone.
- Discuss what you want to be when you grow up. We all have our hopes and dreams no matter what age we are. What you want to do for the rest of your life and your goals for the future are an important issue.
- Let your other “friends” know that you are not available. Nobody thinks that you were just sitting at home waiting for them but having to fight for time and attention can reduce a person’s interest level.
- Discover what the other person’s “outside the relationship” interests are. We all need to be interested in something away from the relationship such as a hobby or career goals. You must be comfortable enough with the others interest to encourage them to succeed.
- Nothing brings out the truth better than a good drink. If you are not into adult beverages, use whatever substance causes your personality to default to its truthful self. Just ask all the questions that you really want to ask. Remember that alcohol lowers your inhibitions, so be careful if you’re serious about sticking to the 90 day rule.
- One of the most important things in a relationship is a sense of humor. Explore this quality in each other. Making each other laugh is one thing that will get you through some bad days.
- Who’s the Boss! Is this going to be a democratic relationship or is one person clearly dominant? If you both want to be in charge in the same situations, that is when problems arise.
- Meet the friends. It doesn’t matter who or how many but you need to make that happen. This will disclose any negative feelings one might have about the other.
- Finally, find something to argue about. Okay they may think you’re crazy when you try this one, but the way a person approaches an argument and communicates their feelings is important. Do they get personal and hit below the belt, or do they play it safe and let you win?
If you go through some of these exercises, you’ll know more about each other, you will have built a certain level of trust, and seen if you and your lifestyles are compatible. Now comes the issue of chemistry. The act of sharing so much about yourself with someone else has allowed a certain amount of intimacy to develop.